Life of a Bamburg

Love. It's something I know very little about. All the guys I've been through the last few months makes me so discouraged. I want what I had, unfortunately I'm not worthy of having something like that again. Out of all of them, Jeff is the one that mattered most. However, his distance from me is what makes it difficult for me to accept. I'm not talking about distance in the milage sense. The one and only time our hearts crossed was when he sent me that song before boot camp. I've been listening to that most of the afternoon and wondering where did I take a wrong turn. It'll be year in March since I've had a real live boyfriend. Not some relationship over the net. Why am I so concerned you might ask? Because my biggest fear is being alone in my life. There's only so much that friends and family can provide, but eventually they have lives to lead of their own. I want someone that I can wake up to in the morning. I want someone to yell at for leaving the toilet seat up. I want that unconditional love and committment. I want that promise. I don't want to be hurt again like I was when Manny left. I honestly believed that I could change his mind and he would want to stay. I disillusion myself into thinking the impossible and am so hurt when my expectations aren't met. Everyone I've ever known in my life has moved on in one way or another. People come and go. I want that rock to hold onto in the storm that is my life. Someone to just hold me and tell me that everything is going to be ok. Where is that person? Where is he hiding? Or maybe he's just a figment of my imagination?