Life of a Bamburg

I know it's been a while but I really haven't felt up to the task of blogging lately. The new job is keeping me busy and mostly tired every night. Grant....well Grant is giving me a headache most days. I love him and care about him, but how can I make him see that I'm a person that should be treated with as much respect as he wants to have? I just don't know what to do anymore.

We had a fight earlier tonight. (and yes....I mean fight!) Now he's not taking my calls or anything. I'm just so tired everyday. I want to crawl up into a corner and cry right now. He's made me feel the shittiest I've felt in a while. I swore that no one would ever make me feel this way again. I'm tired of being the one that has to take on the whole responsibility in a relationship. I'M TIRED OF DATING BOYS!!!!!!!!!!! When will a real man walk into my life? When will I have the intelligent conversation and regards that two intimate people share? *sigh*

Maybe dad was right? Maybe I am white trash and deserve no better. I always had my hopes and dreams. Now I don't even have that anymore.

Well my week has gone by in a flash. Almost. Got to spend some quality time with Grant during the week. I enjoy seeing him, even if he considers himself to be an asshole. He really is a good person. How can I make him see that though?

Started my new job on Thursday. It's going to be a lot of hard work, but I think that I'm up to the challenge. I brought my book home this weekend so I can study it some more. And when I say study, I mean STUDY! This thing is bigger than a Baton Rouge phone book. Lots of maps and codes and stuffis. I dread having to walk out to my car to go get it later today.

I go to pick up Grant about 4pm. He's really nervous about today. And to be honest, so am I. I'm just hoping that he doesn't do something stupid around my parents for them to have a reason to hate him right off the bat. He's already got points against him cause my mom LOVED Manny. I'm going to have to give him some last minute pointers on the way to the house tonight. Please God...don't let him screw up.

I went to take my drug testing today for my new job. You know what I'm talking about. "Please wash your hands. Don't flush the toilet. And while your not too busy, see if you can pee in this little bitty cup that we give ya." I swear! I think that this would be the only time I would wish that I was a man. So anyway, I call them up before I leave to go to ask them a few questions. This being my first time taking a drug test, I was a little curious as to what to expect at their clinic. Well to make a long story short, the woman that answered the phone was R-U-D-E! I wish I could have known which one it was when I got there. Well I waited about an hour before they even called me in there. ONE HOUR! to pee into a cup. I just don't get these people sometimes.

So afterwards I go on to LSU in search of Grant. I get there on campus and proceed to "hunt" for him on the floors we had said earlier. No Grant. So I page him, thinking that if he's in the building then he will go to the nearest payphone available. Nope. He snuck on by me. So finally in a last ditch effort, I got online and there he was. So we finally meet up and get to spend most of the afternoon together. It was wonderful just sitting there and talking to him. I can still tell that he's nervous around me and makes these lame ass jokes and is really loud, but I was really very proud of him for making the effort to NOT drape himself on me like a second skin. I have to keep reminding myself that this is the first relationship he's been in so he doesn't know any better. I have to have patience and let him know when he's crossing that line. He knows that I'm not a PDA person. At least he's trying.

So there I am, killing time till he gets out of class. He comes to meet me and then I catch the smell. He's got this little bottle of pheromones with him and he put some on after class, knowing that I like the smell of it. I could have killed him. Or jumped his bones. LOL I hope that he doesn't put that stuff on Saturday when he's meeting my parents for the first time.

Went to get some food for dinner. When I got back, my mom posed the strangest thing I've ever heard her say. She asked me if I needed help in paying my bills. I didn't know whether to be scared or cry. This is the first time that she's ever OFFERED to help me pay. She'll loan out $6,000 to other members of the family, but heaven forbid if her own daughter should go down the hole. I think I'm still in shock. I'm going to have to talk to her tomorrow about it. I'm still trying to figure out a way to respond. How does one tell their mom that "yes I'm in so much debt and trouble with creditors that I couldn't find my way out of a wet paper bag." Hmmmmm. Any suggestions?

Well I finally got to meet Grant today. I think I've seen him around campus before. In fact I know I have. I just can't remember where, but I'll never forget those eyes. He's very handsome and quite charming. We had fun chatting, but things got a little out of control. I'm glad that I put a stop to things, but I don't think he was too happy about my decision. He felt really bad afterwards, but I hope that he can understand why I did what I did.

I had to bring mom home today in the rain. That was an experience. Seven wreaks on the way there. Doesn't anyone know how to drive in the rain anymore????

I was supposed to go out on a date with my baby tonight, but he had to cancel. Made my heart drop to the bottom of my stomach. Made me think of all the other excuses I've gotten in the past about dates. It really upset me and I took it out on him. I know its not his fault but I really wanted to spend some more time with him. He's got so much potential. I just hope that he cares for me as much as I care for him.