Life of a Bamburg

My brain has been really crunching for the past few days. Finally today things have come to a head. Mom has been all over my ass and up it asking me questions that really aren't any of her business to begin with. I yelled at her to shut up and just leave me alone. I guess she didn't take that very well. She's really wanting to get rid of me out of the house now. So the question remains...do I want to go back to school or just finally give up? I've been leaning toward the giving up. I've never really been a quitter, but now I'm just so tired of having to deal with all of this crap. Wish I really had a good friend that I could sit down with and talk about these things, but no one I know is willing to listen to me like I listen to them. I guess I really don't have any "true" friendships. That's what really hurts. The feeling that I'm all alone in this world. I can't trust anyone to keep anything a secret or even help me through the times that I'm depressed, which has really been since March. That bastard has a lot to do with it. Killed everything off inside of me. I hope that one day he will hurt as much as I have over the past few months.

Well here it is! Two days before Christmas. I went to see my best friend Clayton last night. I got invited to his home by his father for a dinner party. It was great. However, I learned a very important lesson last night. DON'T MIX JACK DANIELS WITH ANYTHING!!!!!!! Makes you feel like crap in the morning. We had fun catching up on old times. I miss him so much when he's gone. He's leaving the 26th to go see his sister and I'll go get him from the airport on the 31st. We have a date that night to go out for New Year's Eve.

On a new front, things seem to be going as well as possible. I have noticed that I'm drinking way too much lately. I know I can stop. That's not the problem. It's just having the desire to stop drinking right now. I guess it's just the holiday's that's got me down. Does this every year.

Well my sisters came by my house last night and I'm sure that they are talking about how trashy my house was. *cries* I tried the best I could. We had a good time for the social and it wasn't hard to get to my house. However, when we got here my mom was wearing her orange mumu. My eyes almost popped out of my head. I was so mortified. My secret sister got me a gift certificate for Lane Bryant. Saw some things in there that I'm going to have to go get. My secret sister LOVED her gift. I was so glad. It wasn't much but it was perfect for her.

I went to the mall to shop this morning. Couldn't find what I needed to get for my dad. I got mom some slippers that she hopefully will like. Got nanny a cute angel. I hope that she likes it. As for myself...well I can't stop looking at the jewelry. I saw Josh Reed in the Mall. Mom almost had a fit when I called her and told her. She cursed three ways from Sunday. She really would love to meet him. Oh well.

Here I am! It's the last day of finals and I'm just going to go over the edge. Things didn't go as well as I had planned and looks like I'm going to be repeating more than 1 class next semester. I know the reasons I didn't do so well and it's all because I'm one of the laziest people I know. YES....I AM A SLUG! First step to recovery is to always admit that you have a problem. You ask me if I'm feeling ok? Well the answer to that is a resounding NO! I have no drive, no motivation. Why am I even doing this for? Is it still for me? Am I still continuing on because someone tells me that's my only option? Why do I do this? Why?

On another front, I'm going to have to somehow manage to turn my house into a place that looks like white trash doesn't live here. Going to be hard work for me tomorrow. I don't know how I'm going to be able to manage to do it. I hope that my sisters don't get the wrong impression of me. I'm scared to death. I don't want them to see me as the person that I am. I never want anyone to see what I come from. I just keep wondering if what my father told me a long time ago is true. "You will never be better than what you are right now, so stop acting like you ever will be." Crushing words I know, but I've always thought that I could be anything in the world that I wanted to be. The older I get the more I wonder if what he told me so long ago doesn't have some ring of truth to it. Will I ever be any better than the white trash that I was brought up to be? *slinks off to cry in a corner now*

I know I haven't posted in a few days. Please forgive me. This week I am studying for finals and will be able to blog to my hearts content at the conclusion of next week. Wish me luck and hope everything goes well for you all.

Well what more can be said? WE WON!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Now that I have that out of my system, on to more important things.

I just returned from Rayne and I'm so very tired. I went to help Nanny get her computer set up a little more. Things have a tendency to wear me out now. Little things too. I have no idea what's wrong.

Been worried about Clayton. I haven't heard anything yet. Yeah I know it's only the 2nd of December, but I still would like to know when the big turkey is coming home. He's my best friend for crying out loud. I wonder where I put that phone number.

Well today is the day! Yes it's the SEC West division championship between LSU and Auburn. It should be such a good game. Hopefully we win! Can't wait to walk into the stadium with all those screaming fans. It's going to be great. For those of you who weren't as fortunate as myself to obtain tickets, it will be broadcast on ESPN. Check listing for local times. ^_^

I am a good loving member of my family. Not only is my Nanny online but I taught her how to use email and MSN messenger. She had so much fun last night I thought she was going to wet her pants. Not really....but she did have a blast! I'm going to have to teach her how to do some other things when I'm there tomorrow. She's going to be amazed and wowed! HEHEHEHEHE

Well it's time for me to go and get my flu shot. Not happy about it, but I need all the extra help I can get at this time of the year. See you guys soon.