9:44 PM
I hurt him. I never meant to. He came on too strong and scared me away. I just wanted things to be easy and now he's hurting. His heart is breaking. He wanted to change his life and I just stomped on his heart. I needed time to catch up. I needed time to get to where he is. I just fucking needed time! I know that I'll never find what I had with Manny, but I'd love to come close to what I had. DAMNIT! Why couldn't he have given me more time? Why couldn't he just take it easy with me instead of pushing it so soon?
6:36 PM
One look at his face and all the feelings came flooding back. The times we shared, the smell of his cologne, me playing with his ears all the time. They could pass for brothers. I thought I would have been over him this many years later, but realized that I'll never get over Manny. He was the love of my life. He was everything that I ever wanted to have. I remember so clearly so many days that we spent together. He's in my mind, in my skin. I've been able to function normally until this weekend. Just seeing "him" brought it all back. Not that he is what I'm looking for by a longshot. He just reminds me. Kind of like one of those people that remind you of someone. He didn't ask to look like Manny, but he brought it all rushing back to me. I look at what my life has become since that day so long ago and want to smack myself for not being true to myself. Thank you for looking like the love of my life. It brings it back and makes me remember.
