Life of a Bamburg

One look at his face and all the feelings came flooding back. The times we shared, the smell of his cologne, me playing with his ears all the time. They could pass for brothers. I thought I would have been over him this many years later, but realized that I'll never get over Manny. He was the love of my life. He was everything that I ever wanted to have. I remember so clearly so many days that we spent together. He's in my mind, in my skin. I've been able to function normally until this weekend. Just seeing "him" brought it all back. Not that he is what I'm looking for by a longshot. He just reminds me. Kind of like one of those people that remind you of someone. He didn't ask to look like Manny, but he brought it all rushing back to me. I look at what my life has become since that day so long ago and want to smack myself for not being true to myself. Thank you for looking like the love of my life. It brings it back and makes me remember.

They say that you have to take the good with the bad.

**RANT**Well let me tell you that the "bad" sucks donkey dick! Here I was having a really tough week because mom decided to go a little nutty. Got my ass chewed like a piece of beef jerky...1500 years old! Well the bright spot of my weekend was when Nick came to see me. He lifted my spirits and made me feel special. Well, I decided that I was gonna try to do something nice for someone on Sunday and what do I get? The front end of my car wrecked. It's not the fault of the people I was helping but some little young girl out joy riding in the middle of the night in the middle of no where. As if I didn't have enough to worry about, now I have to see that all this gets taken care of. I haven't even heard back from the little girl's insurance company and it's driving me nuts. I WORK TOO DAMNED HARD FOR THIS! In addition, I'm going to have to get another job (as in second) in order to pay for all the new things that have been put on my shoulders. **END RANT**

I'm feeling like I'm in a never ending dark tunnel that has no light at the end. I do know however that my relationship with Nick is now in the open and I feel so much better having it open. I'm just worried that someone, somewhere, someday is gonna get bored and decide that they need to have a little drama in their lives. Ahhhhh...the boredom of the internet. Wonderful thing isn't it?

I mentioned earlier that I had 90% of my check go to bills. Make that 95%! More bills! Mom insane! Update at 11! It's been a really rough week and I haven't had the strength to deal with her at all. I'm glad that she's in Rayne. Peace for a moment in time.

Another day...another life. I've been caught in this viscious cycle that has me going around in circles. Doesn't make sense? EXACTLY! The divorce is final and I'm legally a free woman. Also a divorced woman, but beggars can't be choosers. I've been sick for the past week and it doesn't seem to get much better as the days go by. A rhino could be lighter on my chest. As for me personally, I've been trying to look for the new guy in my life. 'New guy?! Didn't you just get rid of the old one?!' Well yes...but I'm always looking for someone who will love me and talk with me and want to say things to me just to hear what I have to say back. Not someone who winds up being a jerk because of stupid shit that comes out of their mouths. The dating scene for me was up to speed but now it's slowed down and I find myself being lonely. 'Well it's the start of a new year and new beginnings.' Yes but I don't want my past to have any effect on my future. I've been pretty blunt and forward about the things in my life and I know what I want and won't settle for less. I wish some others would understand that as much as I do. Sorority is nuts! It's hard for me to be part of a chapter that is 30 minutes away from me. Plus I have so many bills that I can't really get out and do things with them like I want to because I can't afford it. Over 90% goes towards the debt that he put me in. The other 10%? I get to keep that IF I'm lucky. But at least I am happier than I was before and I'm alive...that's all that matters.

Trying to work out the new blogger system. It's been a while since I've actually posted anything on this thing. I'm that much closer to perfection. :) I'm a little over a month away from the divorce date and I can't wait. He caused too much heartache in my life and will continue to have some sort of impact on me for the rest of my life. Not good either. I'm trying to get back into the swing of things with my life. Things are always different than they seem. Even the most simplest things in life can also be the hardest. I've hurt a lot of people in my life and for that I will pay in due time, if I haven't already started paying for it. My life will move on. Just a little longer to go!

Just a note to those out there that don't know. I've already filed for divorce. Go figure. We were only married for 5 months.

Had a conversation about religon today at work. Very interesting, but people get too defensive about things because they believe that their ways are the right way [i.e. only way]. Moved into my new place. Things are a bit hectic, but it's all coming into place.

Sorority has slowed a bit in my life. With everything that is going on I just don't know when to find the time for it anymore. I really need to find more time to do something with it again. I miss being away like this. Things will look up.

So we finally got to go to our Founder's Day banquet. It was so nice! The restaurant was nice and the food was soooooooooo good. It was a long event. We finally get to the end of the presentations and my cold decided to come back with a vengance. I started coughing to where I thought I would hack up a lung. All that activity made me lose my dinner. I couldn't believe that I got sick. That's definitely not a Founder's Day that I'll forget any time soon.

Yesterday sucked! Raining in sheets so heavy you can't see your hand in front of your face. Busy as hell at work, taking over 100 calls in a day. Stupid people I might add. Still raining when I get home and then I had to get ready for the meeting from hell. Meeting was crap and then had to drive home in the rain that was pouring all day. My day was crap and then I walk into the door and push the play button on my machine. There was the message that brought my spirits up to the top. "Hey baby. Hope you had a good day and I miss you!" He knows me so well.

Allergies still have me as their bitch, but I'm trying to fight fire with fire! My cold is getting better and I'm taking enough meds to kill a horse. Driving through Mississippi yesterday was a journey. Lots of rain and lots of flowers with pollen everywhere. Damn ragweed and oak pollen!

Good news and bad news today. Good news is I got my bid to Online Alpha Phi. I'm so excited about it. Bad news is that Ed may not be coming home for a while. Delays are the worst man.

Today was pretty good. The little twit who thought she was better than everyone at work because she goes to college actually had to come groveling to me with an apology because she "realized" she was wrong. Wouldn't have anything to do with her being brought in the office and told to apologize by the supervisor now would it? Waiting for the sinus medicine to kick in cause I don't think I could handle another night like I had last night. I'm so tired right now as it is. Just trying to stay awake long enough to see the weather forecast for tomorrow. Only bad thing about living where I live...if you have allergies (as some of us do) you're natures BITCH! I hate having to be sick.

It's 2:30 in the morning and I can't sleep because of this stupid cough. I'd pay good money to the first person that hands me a bottle of good cough syrup. Anyone got a mallet?!

Ali..........you rock too. Don't you ever forget that! BSP till the end girlfriend!

Being hit on by old perverted men who think they are funny was the highlight of my day. Still not feeling very well but at least I know that the meds are starting to kick in. Work all day and not have to hear the whining of a "college" student. That was pretty nice. Get home and I have 2 letters waiting for me. Yes 2 letters.

Could today have gotten any worse?!

My mom still hasn't forgiven me for the trouncing that I gave her only yesterday. I finally decide that I'm sick enough to go to the doctor and they charge me an arm and a leg for something that I already knew that I had. GO FIGURE! Then at work, this little twit decides that she's better than everyone because she's in college and the rest of us aren't. Well needless to say, I had to let her know exactly what I thought of her! I just don't understand some people some days. I guess I'm just ranting cause I'm sick and I really just feel like being a brat. I wish Ed were here with me.

Update:
The Battle Rages On!
That is all...

Today sucked! I spent most of the day on the road. I feel like crap. I think I'm getting sick. But I digress. I went to go get my mom and she was acting like a 4 year old...on sugar crack. Not really doing anything helpful, but wanting to help to the point of aggrivating everyone. I tried to explain it to her and she went on a pouting fit. So here I sit basically going to be kicked out and cut off. Doesn't matter that she gave over $6,000 to family members that never had any intentions of ever paying her back. If i need to borrow a couple of bucks it's the end of the world. That's ok. I've survived worse and I too shall survive this. Just wish that someone would understand the way I act. Seems to be exactly like someone I know.

Tired?

Well today is the day that I've been dreaming for! I finally got my laptop! I've been offline for pretty much almost a year and so much has happened in that time. It's been so strange to actually have to be in the land of the living you know?